I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Was I crazy?
No sane woman would actually agree to meet a man she had met through an online site, especially one with the reputation of The NY Underground, but here I was, sitting in this cafe waiting to meet him.
Did this really only start less than two days ago?
I don’t know why I was so drawn to him but I was. I had been since the first time I read his post. I don’t know what made me respond to it in the first place. Maybe it was because it spoke to me or really to the part of me I had always known was there but had kept hidden from everyone, even from myself for so long. I like so many other women often perused the personals, never considering responding to one of them. Most were pornographic, vile in nature. I didn’t know what made any man think a close up picture of his penis was sexy. It made my laugh when some of them forgot to take of their wedding rings but claimed to be single. I wasn’t looking for a soul mate, in fact I wasn’t really looking for anything when I had read through them that evening. just something to do before going to bed. It was more just for fun. I would never answer one of them, at 42 I had never even had a one night stand in my life.
As the page refreshed I caught my breath as I read the title of his ad. It made me stop, made me want to read more than what was just in the subject line. In just six words, it spoke to me. ”Stop denying what you really want” it stated. I clicked it open and read it. By the end of the post my heart was pounding and I felt my panties become moist. This man knew exactly what I had been keeping hidden within me. Knew what I had always wanted to try but never had the guts to actually ask someone to do. Knew that it wasn’t a matter of being good or bad, right or wrong, but a matter of pure carnal desire. He spoke of silk scarves and being tied up. Of relinquishing control to another person. Of blindfolds and spankings. He spoke of how he knew that I needed to learn how to lose myself to someone else, to let them tell me, to guide me into discovering what my body really wanted. It was as if he had written it all just for me. Like the words were meant to be read by the part of me that had been buried deep inside, what I always referred to as the dark corners of my soul. The part that had always been drawn to a man’s hand on my ass or an urgent command in my ear. One former lover had slapped my behind once and saw that I liked it, but never did more than one or two light swats, then stopped. Ashamed to be thought of as perverse somehow I never asked for more and was left feeling unsatisfied. Scenes in which a woman was bound always made my body warm but again, I never had the courage to ask any men I had been with to try it with me. But his words, they spoke to the woman who had never found a lover that was really able to sexually satisfy her. I always found myself to be the giver, always the one who had to initiate and take care of my lover first, even if it meant almost nothing came of my own sexual needs. His post told me how he would take care of my needs in a way I had only dreamed of.
For some reason I needed to communicate with the man behind the post I set up an alternate e-mail address and sent him a reply. It took me a while to put what I was feeling into words, my breath catching many times as I typed a response. I didn’t even think I had made any sense in what I had written and as soon as I hit send, I almost wished I could have taken it back. I could not believe that I had responded to him, telling him that his words spoke to me, telling him my name!
Within two minutes he e-mailed me a response. His said that he was pleased that I had the courage to respond to him, pleased that his words had reached out and touched that hidden part of me. He gave me a phone number and told me to call him in five minutes. He said that if I waited for any time longer than that he would take it that I was not serious and he would never respond to me again. How did he know that I was still at my keyboard, waiting for a response? As if reading my mind he immediately sent another e-mail stating that he knew I was sitting there, debating with myself about whether or not to call him. He told me that he knew I actually wanted to dial the number as soon as I got it but that he wanted me to wait. That this would be the first of many times he would make me wait, anticipating what would happen next. I swallowed hard when I read the e-mail and found myself smiling and my body becoming flushed in anticipation. At five minutes past the time of his first response I dialed the number from my cell, wondering if I should block my number before doing so but deciding not to. The phone rang and after the fourth ring he picked up and for the first time I heard his low, husky voice. ”That’s very good Alex” he told me “Very good. I am so happy that you listened to what I told you. You must always trust that I will always only do what I know what is good for you. That I will only ask you to do things that I know you really want.”
I gasped at his response and I actually heard him smile over the line. He asked me to tell him how old I was and when I said 42 I was afraid he would hang up. He didn’t even seem surprised. His next question to me was how old I was when I lost my virginity and how many lovers I had been with since then. I had been seventeen when I gave my virginity to a boy I thought would love me forever. That forever had lasted a few months after high school graduation and since then I had been with only five other men, always in a relationship of some kind, never casual, never without some kind of meaning.
He seemed surprised over the low number and then asked me something I was actually reluctant to answer. ”When was the last time you were with someone Alex? The last time you let a man touch you, that you had sex?” I sighed, hesitating and he asked me again “Answer me, now Alex!”
“Almost three years.” I said quickly like pulling a band-aid off a wound. I almost expected him to laugh at the length of time. Instead I heard him sigh, almost moan over the information.
“Very good Alex. Never hold back from answering when I ask you a question.” he said. ”Also, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I welcome this information. It makes me believe that you and I could be very good together. I am pleased that what I wrote spoke to you and you found the courage to respond to it. I don’t think it was easy for you to do, was it?”
“No.” I responded “But I couldn’t help myself, I felt that…I had to”
“Yes, that is what I wanted to hear. I need to know that it wasn’t easy for you to admit that this part of you that my words spoke to even exists. But it does, oh yes, she is there and I know I will be able to help you, to guide you in letting her come out… to play. You are asking yourself how is it that I know what you want, what you need.”
“There is no reason to be scared. I will never do anything to you that you don’t really want to do. And I think you know that, don’t you Alex?”
“Yes. I think I do.”
“Don’t think, just believe. Thinking too much is mostly the reason why you have never let yourself go, to really do the things you want. To ask for them. But you don’t have to worry with me Alex. I know what you want, what you need. You will never need to ask me to do things to you, for you. I will know. Of course I will bring you to the point whereas you may beg…”
“Oh my.” I heard the words escape from my lips. I heard him chuckle softly.
“Yes. And what you are feeling now isn’t really fear. It’s anticipation. You are already feeling the effect I have on you, aren’t you?” he asked.
“What you are feeling right now Alex is the door opening for that part of you that you have buried inside of yourself, a part that has been shuttered away. I will help you. In fact, I know I will greatly enjoy helping you. But you must open yourself to me. Trust me to know what you want, what you need. If you do, if you allow me to tell you what to do, if you allow yourself to surrender to me, to do things I tell you to do, I will please you in ways you never thought possible. “
I found myself unable to speak. His voice, the way he spoke to me, how was it possible to feel this way after a two-minute phone call?
“We will meet very soon Alex.”
His words rocked me out of the desire of fog I had been in. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to but…
“Unless of course you have already changed your mind.” he asked.
“No, I haven’t. It’s just…”
“It’s just what? Are you married Alex?”
“Living with someone?”
“Then why the hesitation? You have already taken the most difficult step.”
“I’m just afraid that if we do..”
“Yes? What are you afraid of? Me?”
“No, strangely enough, I am actually not afraid of you.”
“Then what is it?” he paused and I was silent. ”Are you afraid that if we meet I will not want you Alex?”
“Do you consider yourself attractive?”
“I’m okay.” I mumbled.
“Are you not sexy?”
“No.” I answered quickly. He laughed. “What’s so funny?” I asked him.
“Oh Alex. After reading your e-mail and speaking to you for just a short time, I find you to be quite alluring. Your timidness mixed with your courage to actually admit that you want more, that is very sexy to me.” I found myself blushing and smiling at his words. ”Do you touch yourself Alex?”
“You heard me. Don’t pretend that you didn’t.”
“Well, I.. Yes, sometimes I do.”
“Have you been able to achieve orgasm that way?” he asked and I felt my cheeks warm.
“My name. When I ask you a yes or no answer I want you to say yes or no Evan.”
Of course he would have a sexy name like Evan. I had yet to lay eyes on him but already knew he was going to be sexy as hell if…when… if I did.
“Good. When you touch yourself, when you run your hands along your body, when your fingers touch your pussy, are you thinking about your looks or how good it feels?”
“Uh, well, I never thought about it that way.”
“Of course not. And I will tell you something Alex. I much prefer curves to a straight road, it’s much more fun that way.” I blushed again and wondered if what he said was true or if he was just trying to make me feel better. I reached for the wine next to me and took a sip. “Do you use a vibrator Alex?” I coughed on the wine and I heard him chuckle. ”Alex, you are going to have to get use to me asking you direct questions. Now, do you use a vibrator when you make yourself come?”
“I see. Well, when we meet, I want you to bring it with you. Do you have more than one?”
“Good girl. We will meet this Friday.” I mentally recalled that it was Wednesday night. He wanted to meet in less than two days. What if I already had plans? Before I could speak he continued, telling me where to meet him and what time. “Understood Alex?”
“If you are not there, I will assume you lost your courage and we will never speak again. But I know that will be there. Am I correct in thinking that Alex?”
“Very good. Now I want you to do one more thing for me before I say goodnight to you. “
“What is that?”
“I want you to touch yourself””
“You heard me Alex. Right now I want you to take your fingers and run them along the inside of your thigh to your pussy which I know is very wet right now.”
“Do it Alex. I want you to feel how wet you are and know that it’s okay to be wet. It’s okay to anticipate what will happen on Friday when we meet. I don’t want you to ever, ever be ashamed of having the thoughts you had when you read my post. I want you to embrace that it is perfectly normal and quite exciting to anticipate what I am going to do to you.”
My breathing became harder as he spoke to me, to the very core of the woman I wanted to be. My mouth became dry and I took another sip of the wine and then placed the glass down and slowly ran my fingers up my leg towards my most private place.
“Are you touching yourself Alex?” he asked in a whisper. My fingers felt the wetness that had permeated my underwear. They were drenched with the juices flowing from me.
“Are you wet Alex?”
“Good. I am going to say goodnight to you now Alex. We will not speak again before Friday. But, when you hang up, I want you to close your eyes and think of me. I want you to make yourself come. I want you to imagine all the things you want me to do to you because I will do them to you Alex. I want you to understand that after we meet on Friday, it will be the start of a wonderful time for you, a time in which all the things you were afraid to do, all the things you thought you could never, would never do, that you will do them. Understood?”
“Good girl. And just know that while you are there, playing with yourself I will be here, thinking about you and playing with myself.” I moaned out loud as he told me that and I heard the smile on his face through the phone. ”Until Friday Alex. Goodnight.” And he hung up.
My body was on fire from our conversation and I nearly dropped the phone from my hands. I pushed my laptop to the side and layed back on my bed. Slowly I opened the robe I was wearing and removed my underwear which was now soaked in my juices. I didn’t even bother getting my vibrator from the drawer knowing that it wasn’t going to take long for me to climax. I closed my eyes and ran my fingers along my labia and then inserted one finger inside of my vagina. I couldn’t believe how turned on I was by this man who I had yet to meet, but who seemed to already understand me on such an intimate level. I pressed down and began to circle the outer part of my now swollen clitoris and within a minute felt the familiar pull inside the walls of my vagina. Just a few more circles, imagining it to be his tongue and not my finger Yes, his mouth, his tongue, his hands. I wanted them all, wanted them everywhere on my body. I moaned as I lost myself in orgasm, the power of it shaking my whole body. The wave seemed to last longer than usual. It had been a while since I touched myself, played with my body and reached orgasm and now, because he told me told, I was here, moaning and writhing. Finally I felt my body calm and my breathing normalize. I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. Wow, that had been intense. I heard the familiar ping on my phone telling me I had a text message. I closed the robe around my body and reached for my phone. I gasped when I saw the message was from him.
I hope you enjoyed that Alex although I suspect you came way too soon. When it is my fingers, when it is my mouth… trust me, I will take my time and make the anticipation of climax last much, much longer. As you have most likely already finished, I am just beginning. Until Friday….
How did he know that I had already reached orgasm? How did he know anything about me already? I wasn’t sure how, but I was sure he did. My mouth was dry and I finished the wine, placing the empty glass on the bedside table. I glanced at the clock, it was after eleven and I needed to be up for work at seven. I shut down the laptop, re-reading his e-mails to me before doing so. For some reason I glanced at the personal ad page where I had first read his post and realized that it was gone. He had already removed it since talking to me. The thought made me smile. I did not want another woman reading it, responding to it. Selfishly I wanted to believe that he had written it that night in search of me. Written it so the dark corner of my soul would respond and contact him. While it was unrealistic to believe that, I still smiled over the fact that he had already taken it down. I pulled the cool sheet up around me, covering my naked body and shut off the light to go to sleep. I couldn’t contain my smile when I thought of what could happen if…when… if …
Now here I was, in the cafe where he told me to meet him… but he was late.